


uncontrollable

by skeletonbones



Series: a little bit genghis khan [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-31 22:58:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6490723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonbones/pseuds/skeletonbones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"it's nice that you say you like me, but only conditionally<br/>your voice, it had the perfect glow<br/>it got lost when you gave it up though<br/>'cause you want money, you want fame<br/>i don't see the light i saw in you before, and now i don't care anymore"</p>
            </blockquote>





	uncontrollable

**Author's Note:**

> tyler tweeted a link to flesh without blood by grimes and i looked at the lyrics and thought of, you guessed it, joshler  
> a sequel to “[nobody else but me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6426103)” was requested so i decided to make this fic into the sequel, it’s probably not what you were looking for but it happened this way anyway

Tyler is sleepy after all they’ve done, his anger conveniently fucked out of him, and he doesn’t take much convincing to just lie there and let Josh clean them up with one of their t-shirts after rolling off of him onto his own side of the hotel bed. He doesn’t even open his eyes as Josh gets up, just waits to feel the mattress dip again and immediately reaches blindly to pull Josh in against the welcome warmth of his still naked body. There’s no shame between them anymore, too much has happened by now for that, yet Josh had still pulled his own boxers back on before he climbed back into bed. He lets Tyler wrap himself around him the way he always does, using Josh as a foundation. He tries not to hate him for it, for using Josh however he chooses but never committing where it counts. He tries not to hate himself for liking it anyway because he wants whatever he can get.

Tyler is out like a light already, his arm flung across Josh, possessive even in unconsciousness. Josh plays with the fingers of Tyler’s left hand resting on his chest, the fingers that had been stretching him open, stroking him, running through his hair, working his body like a puppet all night, and his fingertip brushes over the faintest of tan lines on the ring finger. There’s barely one there because Tyler is always sliding the black band off, playing with it or swiveling it around his finger. Josh never really noticed that Tyler always took it off when he spent the night with him. Or maybe he did and he just didn’t want to think about it.

He remembers the day Tyler proposed, how he didn’t even tell Josh about it until afterwards in case she’d turned him down – but why would anyone turn Tyler down? Of course she’d said yes. He remembers the day of their wedding, when Jenna had asked Josh for a dance later in the evening while Tyler had gone off to take photographs with members of his family. They hadn’t said anything of substance, really, just Josh complimenting Jenna’s dress and Jenna thanking Josh for being there for Tyler. But they didn’t look away from the other’s eyes, trying to come to an understanding beneath the small talk. No hard feelings that Tyler had chosen her. No hard feelings that even if Jenna was the one he ended up with, Josh had gotten to him first and he’d always have a hold on Tyler.

Josh had thought he was the selfish one, for not wanting to give Tyler up, for being secretly thrilled when he crept back into Josh’s bed not even a month after they’d returned from their honeymoon. Sometimes he felt guilty for cheating, for sneaking behind Jenna’s back when she was the one Tyler should be with, and sometimes that just turned him on even more when Tyler was fucking him raw. He thinks Tyler gets off on it too, in his own way, but the guilty part of Josh’s mind won’t let go of how fucked up it is that Tyler chose Jenna but thinks he can still have both. It’s not fair to either of them, and Josh doesn’t even hate Jenna, not at all, because he knows she does love the man whose breath is currently sighing gently across Josh’s shoulder. He knows that Tyler loves Jenna because of the way he looked at her on their wedding day before he kissed her, like she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, a postcard perfect sunrise. But if he truly loved her, why would he still look at Josh like he was everything else, everything that was missing that he thought he needed? If it was just lust, then Tyler was an asshole. Josh let Tyler keep this going because he didn’t want it to be over completely, even if it meant playing with his own and Jenna’s hearts, but Tyler didn’t seem to care if anyone got hurt as long as he got what he wanted from them.

There’s a quiet buzzing from the carpet and Josh tries not to think about what Jenna must have heard. He was pissed at Tyler for always trying to own him and never honestly giving himself to someone else, and maybe a part of him did resent Jenna a little for being the one Tyler wanted publicly, a little splinter still in his heart, but he has to face the fact that what they do in a few heated moments can have lasting consequences. What _he_ did might have fucked it all up. But whose fault was it really? Who was it who could have everything he wanted and still wanted more, whose affections were dependent on his fluctuating greed?

He turns his head to look down at Tyler, his lips resting against the warm skin of Tyler’s forehead and his heart aching in his chest, and he knows that he does love Tyler. He loves Tyler, but he doesn’t like him. There are always glimpses of the boy he fell in love with in the first place that stop Josh from cutting him off, but despite his golden skin Tyler is no angel. He was, once, and maybe that was the man Jenna thought she was marrying. Neither of them thought they deserved Tyler, but maybe the truth was that Tyler didn’t deserve either of them. If Jenna chose to leave, would Tyler let her? Would he go back to Josh if she did? Josh can’t bear to even think that maybe Tyler still wouldn’t want Josh that way even if he didn’t have Jenna anymore. And what if Josh left? What if he stopped giving in to his own greed and cut this whole thing loose the way he’d fantasized about as often as he’d fantasized about being in Jenna’s place? Josh could be free of all this and Tyler could go back to Jenna the way he was supposed to, and maybe he would have learned his lesson. Maybe Josh would have learned his too.

Eventually he gets bored of his thoughts circling like water round a drain, so he reaches his free arm down and feels around for their phones. He finds his first and then his fingers close around Tyler’s. It’s locked, but he knows Tyler’s password, of course. 5674, J-O-S-H. He’d set it as a joke initially, one that never quite ended. There are no missed calls but a series of text messages that he scrolls through from the top.

 

_The least you could do is not lie to me._

_I told you I would let you be with whoever makes you happy, even when it’s not always me, if it keeps you with me the rest of the time._

  _Josh must think I’m blind, he must feel so sorry for me. I feel sorry for both of you._

_I know you’re with him now. Call me when you’re done._

_And I don’t want your apologies, Tyler, I know how sweet you can make your lies taste. I want you to be honest for me._

_I love you._

There’s a sour taste in Josh’s mouth, remnants of Tyler burning on his lips, and he suddenly desperately needs to clean his teeth. He extricates himself from Tyler’s limbs and takes Tyler’s phone with him into the bathroom. After he’s swilled his mouth out with a glass of water, he impulsively stabs at the call button beside Jenna’s number. It’s past 3 in the morning, but it only rings two and a half times before she picks up. She doesn’t say anything, holding her breath, and Josh has to be the one to break the silence with, “It’s me.”

 She still doesn’t speak, so he whispers that he’s sorry. He’s trying to be quiet and it sticks in his throat even though he really does mean it. She laughs, more a hiccupping sound, and says she’s sorry, too.

He realizes in that moment that Jenna must have already known somehow, before they so cruelly confirmed it for her. Josh doesn’t know what else to tell her. So he just says the thing that had been on his mind earlier, “He doesn’t deserve you.”

“He doesn’t deserve you, either,” she replies, without much pause for thought. “I know how you feel about him. I’ve always known.”

“Did you feel sorry for me?” Josh rasps. “I did for you, sometimes.”

Jenna just makes a quiet humming sound, a habit she must have picked up from Tyler, because the familiar sound cuts right through him. “It’s almost a relief, in a way, to be proved right and not have to wonder anymore.”

“But what now?” Josh asks, realizing that his fingers have started to tremble when the phone clicks repeatedly against the plastic of the gauge in his ear. “I don’t want to do this to you anymore.  I don’t want to do this to _me_ anymore.”

“You can,” Jenna says, far too soft and kind, not even a hint of resignation. Tyler really, really doesn’t deserve her. “If you want.  If you need. I wouldn’t begrudge you his attention.”

Josh feels cold enamel at his back and realizes he’s sunk to the tiled floor. “What if I let him go?”

There’s an intake of breath and the measured exhalation before she answers. “I don’t think _he_ could let _you_ go, Josh. Any more than I could let him go.”

“He doesn’t think he even has to make the choice.” Josh’s teeth are gritted. “He wants both of us and he gets both of us, because that’s how things work for Tyler.”

Jenna is quiet for a moment. “That’s how things work when you love someone.”

“Letting them kill you slowly? Handing them the knife with a smile on your face?” Josh grimaces, but Jenna laughs.

“That’s what it feels like, doesn’t it? That’s what Tyler does to you.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers again.

“It’s too late for that now.”

“I know.”

“So what do you want to do, Josh? Why did you call me?” When Josh doesn’t answer, she sighs. “Where’s Tyler right now?”

“He’s - ” Josh was about to say “in bed”, but rephrased, ”He’s asleep. He didn’t see it. The phone, I mean. He doesn’t know you were still… he hasn’t seen your messages yet. I’m sorry I read them.”

“No,” Jenna says thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s for the best if he doesn’t know.”

“What do you mean?” Josh asks. His throat feels too dry, so he has to fumble to his feet and swallow down another glass of water from the tap.

“He doesn't _have_ to know that... well, that I heard you." Josh flinches at the reminder.

"What, so we just pretend nothing happened? We just keep going like this?" Josh can't help the disbelief creeping into his voice.

"We can pretend, if it’s what Tyler wants,” Jenna suggests. “I think he likes to play along.”

_He doesn’t deserve it_ , Josh thinks. But his heart starts to beat faster the more he thinks about severing himself from Tyler, of having to see him with Jenna and knowing what he was capable of doing to her; he knows he’s as trapped in his love for Tyler as Jenna is.

“Okay,” he says.

And he hates it that the selfish part of his brain triumphs over the guilt, relief inflating his lungs as much as air.

“Go back to bed, Josh,” Jenna murmurs, stifling a yawn. “I’ll see him when he gets home.”

It’s another cut to be reminded that Josh is hotels and Jenna is home, but this is their arrangement. This is the compromise, how they can both get what they want out of Tyler. If he can be this selfish, then so can they.

Josh deletes Jenna’s messages and erases the calls and their details from the phone’s log. When Tyler eventually calls Jenna back tomorrow, he wonders what she’ll say. He slides back into bed beside Tyler, threading their bodies together again beneath the sheets. Tyler sighs in his sleep and winds his arm around Josh’s neck, burying his face into his shoulder. Josh tries once more to find it in himself to hate Tyler, but he falls asleep far too easily knowing he doesn’t have to lose him again.

**Author's Note:**

> maybe they'll become an ot3 and tyler will be less of a jerk


End file.
